


Shadows

by Genie60



Series: Poldark Series 3-This and That [2]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: Children, F/M, Illegitimate Children, Marriage, Pregnancy, S3 AU, VBT, What if?, book AU, if only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 01:51:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9797240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: S3/Black Moon "what if"What if Ross and Demelza actually discussed Valentine's parentage?From a prompt by @MaxandMozart





	

**Author's Note:**

> I always wondered how this would happen and after discussions on various pages decided to put my spin on it. Wishful thinking on my part that we would ever get a scene like this although I'm sure Aidan and Eleanor would kill it. But you never know what's coming next series.....  
> And yes Demelza comes across as almost too good to be true but at this part in the series she pretty much is....which makes her VBT harder to take....
> 
> As always I own nothing, I know no one and Winston Graham and Debbie Horsfield are masters of this domain.

“Blasted stocking!”  Demelza was sitting on the edge of the bed trying to raise her leg in an attempt to put on the annoying garment when the door opened.

“Judas! I’m as big as Prudie,” she said to herself, not knowing that someone had entered and was watching her with amusement.  Demelza rubbed her growing abdomen and spoke softly, “Oh my friend, I am anxious to see you but I hope you’re not this much trouble after you arrive.” 

She bent over again, struggling with the stocking when a pair of strong hands reached for it and offered assistance.

“Let me help Demelza,” the deep voice said.  Looking up she met the warm brown eyes of her husband.

“Ross, I feel so foolish.  I can’t even get dressed,” she whimpered. 

“It’s fine my love,” Ross said.

He took the stocking from her hand and lifted her foot to his lap.  Looking down at him Demelza was immediately transported back to the last time he had done such a task.  Ross must have had the same thought because he gazed up at her and smiled.  For a moment it was eighteen months ago and they had just gotten out of debt for the time being.  The silk stockings he bought her as a gesture of love led to a night of reconnection and reaffirmation of what they meant to each other. 

The stocking temporarily forgotten, Ross rose up and placed a gently kiss on his wife’s lips.  Demelza held on to his shoulders for balance as every movement seemed to send her teetering.  She didn’t remember being off unbalance with Julia or Jeremy but this whole pregnancy was different.  This child was the result of months spent trying to reconcile their marriage after a rift that seemed irreparable.

“Ross,” she murmured against his mouth, the passion rising slowly despite her size and condition.  Of course the trail of her husband’s kisses down her neck to the top of her shift wasn’t helping.  Her breasts were engorged and sensitive and she still craved his touch.  A soft moan filtered through the room as his hands held her waist –such as it was—while he continued to kiss her.  Demelza finally pushed against him, and attempted to stand. 

Ross held on to his wife as she got her bearings and rubbed her lower back. He saw her discomfort and moved her hands out of the way to take over the massaging.    After a few minutes, Ross stopped and looked at his wife’s face; her eyes were closed and a smirk came to her lips.

“Better now love?” he asked.

“Yes Ross.  Much better. Thank you.”  Demelza turned in his arms and gave him a kiss that, similar to his for her, sent emotions rising.  

She recognized the look on his face as she felt the same but she was not feeling particularly attractive today.  In the months since she revealed her condition to Ross they had continued their active and extremely loving, physical relationship.  At times she felt ungainly and did not always like to let Ross see her totally nude, but Ross always persuaded her that the way she looked when carrying his children was beautiful and that he wanted her even more.  She laughed at him thinking he was just reciting niceties to have his way with her, but his actions spoke volumes to what he felt.  After all they’d gone through she was sure of his love but not sure how they would handle the residual effects of his incident with Elizabeth if needed.

There was still something they hadn’t discussed and were clearly avoiding.  Yet as time passed Demelza wanted to confront it so that all issues related to that night were out and acknowledged.  They vowed to not keep secrets or fears from each other during their fight back to each other. 

Demelza walked to the wardrobe to pull out one of the two skirts that fit her in this condition as well as a larger corset.  She wore this for modesty more than anything since she couldn’t just parade around in a shift and petticoat as much as she wanted to in this summer heat.  Stepping into the skirt and petticoat she reached around to tie them and again, Ross came to her rescue.  He tied the strings as she put on the corset and loosely laced it.  Her chest still did not spill over the top of her bodice which Demelza was grateful for.

“You look lovely, my dear,” he said.

Knowing his compliment was genuine she touched his cheek and smiled.

“Thank you Ross.  But I still haven’t put on any stockings.”  She stuck her toe out from under her skirt.

He looked down at her feet and laughed.

“Very true.  But it’s so hot Demelza, I’m sure you can go without them at this point.”

“Ross!” she cried, feigning shock.  “It’s not dignified for the wife of a country squire to be barelegged in public.  Is it?” 

“Since when have you, or should I say, we cared what others thought about us?”

“Very true, my love, but still.  I have chores to do and it would be easier to wear shoes with stockings,” she said. Her argument was very practical.

Ross cocked his head to one side, giving her a scolding look that she knew was going to be followed by a reprimand of not getting others to do work around the house.

“Demelza we’ve had this discussion for as many years as we’ve been married. You are mistress of this house and as such do not have to do every task that needs to be done.  Prudie and Jinny are more than capable and willing to help you.  Use them,” he implored. 

“But Ross, I like doing it,” she replied. She gave him a small smile that almost looked sad that she couldn’t keep doing what she was most comfortable at.

“I know my love, but for the sake of our child and your health, you need to let others help.” 

Demelza knew he was right and reluctantly nodded her head to his order.  If she were feeling better, she would have fought him but the heat of summer was starting to wear on her body and was making the last months of her pregnancy harder than her past experiences. 

“Yes, Ross.” 

He leaned over to her and kissed her firmly, his arms snaking around her body to hold her close, their child between them when a ripple was felt against his abdomen and Ross realized his son or daughter was making their presence known.   Lifting his head, he stared at his wife and moved his hand to the spot that generated the movement.  Demelza watched her husband’s face and saw just a hint of tears.  Her hands went up to his face and pulled his head down to hers so their foreheads touched their sign of comfort and support. 

“She’s active today.  I don’t think she wants to do chores either,” Ross said.

“How are you so sure it’s a girl?” Demelza asked.

“Just a feeling that’s all.” 

Ross must have been having sympathy pains for his wife; for he decided that he didn’t feel like going to the mine either. He’d much rather spend it with Demelza. 

“Let’s go for a walk,” he blurted out.

Demelza’s eyes widened at his suggestion. Ross never missed a day at the mine, so this idea was foreign to her.

“What? Don’t you have to go to the mine?” she asked sincerely. 

“I’m the owner Demelza. I can do as I please. And today it would please me to spend time with you.  It’s hot and I think a walk along the shore would do us both some good.”

Not one to argue about going to her favorite place, Demelza gave him a hug and pulled him along so they could get going.  Ross could do nothing but share in her joy and so he followed her out.

****~~~~****

They walked on Hendrawna leisurely, Demelza stopping every so often to pick up a shell or dip her feet in the waves as they hit the shore.  Ross stayed close behind, enjoying the view of his wife thoroughly enjoying her day off.  As they strolled, Ross looked up at the cliffs and saw the shadows of Wheal Leisure and Wheal Grace.  One mine gone, one bringing them unexpected riches. He let out a sigh at the heartache and happiness each structure brought to them and attributed it to the cycle of life.  He tried to shield the sun from his eyes when he felt a small hand slip into his, threading their fingers together.

“Ross what are you thinking about?” Demelza asked.  She followed his line of view up and saw what he was looking at. She had memories of these mines as well and she chose to focus on the good rather than the bad that each brought.

“Just thinking about all that has happened since I opened Wheal Leisure almost eight years ago and about where we are today.” 

He looked down at her and saw that she was still looking up at the cliffs, towards the path that led to Trenwith.  His ancestral home that was once a source of pleasure when he was a child was now a symbol of something else. If the mines cast shadows of optimistic times, the shadow of Trenwith cast something else.  Demelza turned her head to her husband and he knew what she was thinking. He knew that the shadow of his actions still hovered over her and their marriage.  Not because she hadn’t forgiven him; to be honest he had barely forgiven himself for the pain he caused.  But because there was the possibility of a lingering reminder of that night, even if he never saw Elizabeth again, it could still be there.

Demelza saw his face change and she determined that now was the time to discuss this shadow.

“Ross,” she started to say.  Her voice was low and calm even though her stomach was doing flips that she could not blame on the baby.  “We should talk about this.”

Ross looked down at Demelza and wasn’t sure how to respond.  In truth he was scared what this conversation, that could open still healing wounds, would lead to.  It had taken months for them to find themselves back to where their love was unwavering and trust was again unquestioned.  Ross knew that anything to shake that foundation and possibly drive Demelza away would destroy him.  He loved her more than ever before and if anything led to losing her, he knew he wouldn’t recover.

“Demelza, why should we resurrect this again?  We’ve come out of that shadow and into the light.  I told you that mistake led me to find the truth in myself so why do we need to talk about it?”

‘’Because if we don’t it will hang over us and every time we hear news about Trenwith or run into a common friend, the thought will come whether we want it to or not.  Besides, if anyone should not want to talk about it should be me.  After last year, we can’t keep feelings and secrets from each other. That is what led us both to the darkness that almost destroyed us.  I won’t have that again.  Not with a new life coming.”

Her speech was passionate and clear. Ross admired her strength of fortitude because it was more than he could muster.

“Fine,” Ross said resignation in his voice.  He took her hand and led her to a section of the beach that had some shade and rocks to sit on.  He sat down first and then motioned for her to sit cross ways on his lap.

“Ross, don’t be silly.  I weigh a ton,” she cried fighting his pull.

“Nonsense. You’re still light as anything and I won’t have you sitting on these hard slabs. It’s either that or we go home now.”

Demelza knew she was beat and gingerly sat on down as Ross pulled her towards his chest, his arm going around her lower back, holding her in place.

“See,” he said triumphantly, “I’m just fine.”  He reaches up and kissed her as he settled a little more.

“Idiot,” she teased.

“Yes, we’ve established that months ago.”  His smiled faded as he knew the time was now to face the demons and put them away as best they could.  Demelza had her arm draped around his neck, her cheek leaning against his hair, fingers playing with a stray curl every now or then.

“Ross you know that it’s possible that George is not the father of Elizabeth’s child, don’t you?”

He stared at her, surprised at her bluntness and then again not. Demelza was many things but she never beat around the bush when something needed handling.  Why should this be any different?

“Actually I hadn’t really thought about it until after the child was born.  Then the timing just started to play in my head.  But you know me Demelza, I never knew how far along you were either time.  We thought Julia came early but perhaps she was full term.  It’s possible something similar happened and there is some uncertainty about the dates. Or being married to George could have caused stress to make the child come early.”

Demelza turned and searched Ross’s face and saw that he believed this to be a reasonable explanation.  And perhaps it was.  And then again, as a woman something in her told her the other option was even more plausible. 

“True.  Yet how do you feel about Elizabeth having a son that might be yours?  If you had known that night you came back to Trenwith, would you have chosen her?” 

She pulled away from him to watch his reaction to her question.  It was something that she pushed to the back of her mind but that was still there.

“Demelza how can you even ask that?  Why would you ask that?”  He was shocked at her question and didn’t know how to respond because he hadn’t thought of it. Elizabeth and her child were never his concern and now he was beginning to regret allowing his wife to go down this path.

“Because I need to know.  Would you have left me and Jeremy if Elizabeth told you she was carrying your child?”

He did not shirk from her gaze and as he looked directly in her eyes, those blue green orbs that held him captive from the first time they met, he answered her.

“No, I would not.” 

Demelza seemed surprised at his sure response for she was preparing herself for another answer.

“Ross, don’t tell me what you think I want to hear.”

“I’m not.   If I learned one thing Demelza it was to tell you the truth even if it hurt. And this is the truth.  I would not and will not leave you.”

“But Ross, I know you and I know that you would want to take care of your responsibility and see to the care of your child.”

“Very true my love, but in this instance my idiocy would have put us in an impossible situation.  I knew after that night that I wanted and loved only you.  We discussed that before.”

“Yes Ross but then….”  Ross cut her off to continue

“Demelza let me finish.  I only want to be with you.  Not Elizabeth.  However, if it came to pass that I did father her child, I would find a way to care for the child that would not bring any shame to her, to our family and most especially to you.” 

He kissed her gently then and felt a tear slip down her cheek to meet his lips.  Lifting his head he brushed the hair off her face and wipes the tear away.

“Maybe take a page out of Caroline’s book and be a mysterious benefactor.”  That reference brought a smile to her face but she still needed to say something.

“Ross, I love that you love me and would not leave me but you haven’t asked how I would want to handle this situation.”

She was right of course  If the truth was that he fathered a child with Elizabeth not only would that child be another member of their family in some disconnected way, it would be the constant reminder of his infidelity and past love for the one woman who could make Demelza question herself as a woman, wife and person.  The perfection of Elizabeth whether real or imagined was another shadow that hovered over her.

“My love.  I know what you’re thinking and perhaps that is why I have not wanted to face the possibility that the child was mine.  If it was a dull reminder to me of my recklessness, it would be a wound that never healed for you. And that, my dear, is what I am trying to avoid.  You’ve had so much pain at my hands that I don’t know if I could face watching you live with one that could never be eased.”

“Oh Ross.  You’re right of course that he would be a reminder of that night but he would also be something else.  It would be a reminder of what we almost lost. More importantly he would also be your child; a part of you.  As much as I might not care for Elizabeth I could never hate a child who was as an innocent victim of adult mistakes.  He didn’t ask to be born and should not be punished for it.”

Ross looked at his wife incredulously.  Her generosity of heart and spirit was just another reason he loved her so deeply. She would put aside her hurt for a child.  Even Elizabeth’s child.  She really was remarkable.

“Don’t look at me like that.  I’m not saying it wouldn’t hurt or that I wouldn’t worry that you would be more interested in that child over our children.  But I would not blame him for existing.  Blame at this point is useless.  We can’t go back and change things. We can only face and deal with what we have now.”

Ross’s face broke into a melancholy smile knowing that all this was due to him. 

“You amaze me Demelza.”

“I’m just being honest.  Believe me I don’t want this to be true.  In faith I hope and pray George is the father and that all this is just speculation.  And I’m not sure I’ll be open to inviting this boy over for Christmas dinner. But if he showed up at our door wanting to speak to you or me or needed help, I would not turn him away.”

She took Ross’s face in her hands and said,” We’ve already lost one child Ross.  I won’t be the reason you lose another.”

Now the tears were his to shed.  Silently they fell down his cheeks to her hands.  Bending down to meet him, she wiped them away with the corner of her sleeve and kissed down the trail they made.

“If we ever find out the truth, this is how it will be,” she whispered.  “I promise.”

Ross clutched her closer to his chest, his one arm around her back the other caressing her stomach, loving the feel of her as she carried their daughter.

“I don’t know how I ever doubted I loved you for truly and deeply you are my heart and soul and make me a better person.  I don’t know how I’d get along without you.”

“That my love is something you never have to worry about.” 

She bent and kissed him, her tongue slipping out to lick his lips until he acquiesced and kissed her back.  They continued tasting each other for a few minutes until Demelza felt an unusually strong kick coming from her unborn child.

“Judas, she’s feisty now. She must be getting hungry. We should probably go back as Jeremy is most likely waking up from his nap and will miss us.”

“Are you sure you are alright?  The only time you make that face is when you are starting your pains.  Demelza?”  There was concern in his voice as he waited for her to answer.

“No Ross I’m fine.  I think I’m just stiff and like I said, I’m sure your daughter is getting hungry. Let’s go.”

She carefully got off his lap, Ross’s hand holding on to her until she was planted firmly on the sand.   She walked a little ways into the sunlight to bask in its warmth when Ross came up behind her. She looked down at the sand and saw their silhouettes outlined on the shore and reflected that these were not symbols of sadness or regret or mistake. These were evidence of love and hope and the future.  And those were more powerful than any other shadows they’d crossed today. 

She took Ross’s hand and led him home.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I said I wasn't going to let gremlins strike but I must have fed them after midnight or they got wet.
> 
> And for those chomping at the bit, "Trying..." will be updated soon. I promise.


End file.
